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CrimRShiriganai
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Name: samantha
Country: United States
State: Virginia
Birthday: 12/10/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: giraffes, cactus, whales, music, video games, tnt, socks, mushrooms, books, sleep, sunkist, law & order, chapstick, er....
Expertise: video games
Occupation: student
Industry: medical
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  LuvSUNKIST2k9
MSN: wannacouldawouldabutididnt@hotmail.com
Yahoo:  xixeffinxluvxyoux
Member Since:
7/27/2004
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| hot damn, i haven't been on xanga in forever and a day. but i need to rant about my problems, cause they happen to big. obviously. hence the reason for my reinstated union with xanga.
let me start first by stating that my "conscience" is not a judge of my actions on moral righteousness. sorry, no comical angel vs. devil balanced on shoulders here. i say conscience for lack of better word. it's not a split personality either. not a separate conscience at all actually. it's more like every once in a while i do something that's completely retarded and then fight with myself. the voice in my head says, "what the fuck is wrong with you?!" and then i think back, "well you sure didn't visit with any helpful advice. fucking hypocrite."
sometimes though, the voice comes with it's advice, but i can't remember ever actually taking it's advice, which always turns out bad for me.
although lately, even if i wanted to, i couldn't. it's not like i can just turn of my thoughts.
i'm not one to gush over guys at all. but... i happen to really like this one boy... and things are complicated. he ignores me alot. and really, it had been so long since i'd last even thought of him. like over a year of off. and then out of the blue, he pops up. and it only takes an hour of contact, after practically a year of having pushed him to the very dark depths of my mind, and then my heart starts pounding and... i just know it's going to take me forever and a day to get this boy out of my mind. my head hurts. i keep.. waiting. i'm impatient and kinda jumpy and i'm just waiting for him to notice me again.
and all the while i'm checking my computer screen for a new IM, new email, and hounding the caller ID like it's hiding his contact information from me... there's that nagging voice. "get over it, you probably wont hear from him for another year even. stop checking that damned computer, unplug your phone, stop day dreaming." ARG! wish i could. i know it's stupid and yet... ya know... i can't find the off button to my mind and my thoughts are practically over flowing... and thank god for Aleve cause i'm just about to pop like 5 into my gullet.
rating? that's new. ah... C - for... profanity and i suppose ignoring the directed dose on the back of the Aleve bottle counts for illegal drug use. sorta. yum.
oh my lanta. Aleve doesn't even help with head aches. it's not for head aches. my mother insists that one caplet of Aleve will cure anything. ugh. i see i will be taking the trip to the pharmacy alone from now on... as my head feels like it's going to explode. it's so painful i think my own body is secreting some natural form of opium to dull it. here's to hoping it wont get worse, and knowing that it will. although if i start hallucinating, i'm not sure i'd reject. i'm always up for an adventure.
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| jeez louise, i haven't been on xanga in sooo long. wahahaha! i don't even know of anyone who still has an xanga and keeps up with it. well, comment and tell me hi if you do. :]
i miss all of my old friends from japan make friends so flippin much. i miss them so bad. you don't even know! D:< i've been thinking about it all day.
i said i would never like myspace, and i do actually haha. but i dunno, it's like no one ever posts in their blog on myspace so it's kinda not very active. all people do is comment, but like, not on blogs, so they're commenting about nothing, and there's only so much one can comment about without a subject. i just like spiffin up my profile. :D
so, er, yeah, i've had a super bad shopping experience today, so i think i'm going to make something to eat and then sit down at my playstation and get in touch with my inner geek. l8rz. <3
edit: AH! i just spilled honey on my jeans! D: bummer!
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|  | Currently Watching
The Hills Have Eyes (Unrated Edition)
By Maxime Giffard, Michael Bailey Smith, Tom Bower, Ted Levine, Kathleen Quinlan, Dan Byrd, Emilie de Ravin, Aaron Stanford, Vinessa Shaw, Maisie Camilleri Preziosi, Robert Joy, Laura Ortiz, Ezra Buzzington, Billy Drago, Ivana Turchetto, Desmond Askew, Judith Jane Vallette, Adam Perrell
see related |
even though my name has a space in it, when i enter is as an email, i can't put spaces in it. how ghey is that? and it took signing up for a new borders news letter to figure it out. that's the only site that's told me what i've been doing wronge. thank you borders
-worships-
p.s. the hills have eyes is one of the worst movies i've ever seen. the characters were so fsking stupid! the only character that wasn't a totaly dipshit was the male dog. the female got killed... before anyone else actually. | | |
| LuvSUNKIST 2k9
add me and im me or email me to add you cause i'm too lazy to convert my buddy list and i don't need to add people who i'm not great friends with anymore anyway. so if you still wanna chat and all that jazz, email me on my new name ^^^^ (@aol.com btw)
edit:
if only the world wasn't out to make my life hell. i'm trying to change my email on everything like myspace and here on xanga, but everything keeps saying 'invalid email'. i tried to add some names to my buddy list, people that i know are on cause i just saw them on on my coffeefairy name, and they aren't coming up. well, hopefully something will bitch slap aol by tomorrow morning and it'll be working. if not i'm going to have to call the aol help service in india. -sigh- | | |
| when i first got my computer, the log-in screen was really different from what people usually had on windows xp, it was like the log-in screens on school computers. and the background was black. well, i finally figured out how to change it and i did but then i decided i didn't like it. and then my internet went down and i had to fix that and i changed me log-in screen to what is was before, only now instead of it being black, it's this ugly blue. and i have no idea how to change it. so i might as well change it back to the windows xp screen cause what i have now is worse. damnit. i hate windows with such a passion right now.
in my anger, i stormed downstairs for a candy bar, and when coming back to my computer chair, i stepped on the controler for the playstation and RENT started playing in french, or it could be spanish, i wouldn't know. but it's kinda amusing so i just left it, only now it's the end...
li was over last night and she was playing xenosaga from the begining and it has these HUGE cutscenes, it's like a movie only you get to do fighting. so i was watching her play and this morning i was waiting for her to start playing and she decided to watch RENT instead. but now i'm addicted to the game and she's not here to play it and i'm sure as hell not going to play it cause i'd have to save, and it's her game and i just get annoyed when i play that game cause the controls are screwy. anyway, li left already and i'm feeling VERY alone... very very. no one is ever online, makes me feel like i'm the only loser online on summer break, which i prolly am. but as soon as i go on vacation, that's when everyone decides to come home and get online. blah.
wow, not even my mom is home. and my dog doesn't even want to acompany me in my lonely room. and there's no one to talk to and nothing to do and it's terribly depressing ZOMG i'm going to die. i think i'll go take a shower first...
wish i could go to the pool, but i have to be 16 and my pool pass says age 15, cause my mother is stupid. if li were here we could go cause we got her a guest pass and the lady didn't fill it out all the way so haha we can get in and say li's 16, though she looks older still. i'll always look so much younger than i am, which will come in handy when i get OLD but it's not helping me at all right now. | | |
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